This morning I am chock full of both jealously and envy. Darn!
I’m jealous of a dear friend who
- is able to take trips in which others plan all the details,
- is able to take 1-8 weeks at a time off her usual activities,
- has several adult playmates, and
- receives much materially.
My life is good, extremely good—let’s be clear. I have passive income and savings such that I would probably never need seek a source of income again. This is incredible to me! My kid is alive and (quirky and medically interesting, yes, but) healthy, and also happy! We are both safe, and cozy, and truly wildly free. And I live in paradise, in an area and situation that countless others envy.
Apparently, though, I would also like to take some trips with just one other adult that someone else plans, stretches of time off life’s logistical activities, three adults to play with regularly, and a regular infusion of material gifts. (Is that so much to ask? ha, I would have thought so! But, there it is, in plain sight.)
So now what?
My first effort will be to wash the envy and the jealously from my spirit. Just, give it a good soak in a bubble bath.
We all get some stuff and not other stuff.
My parenting circumstance, and my Aspergers or independence, create some serious limits.
In addition to this friend, who has some luck (and also some difficulty), I’m immersed in a community of many that travel luxuriously and far some months of every year, each of whom are in intimate relationship, each of whom are financially supported by one or financially gifted by another. Sometimes, it’s hard to have the differences right there. But, a different friend took my son and me on a month-long trip across the world only a few years ago! And I adore my community of approximately thirty people I see multiple times per week. And gosh, do I ever receive a lot materially.
As is often the case, all the logic in the world does not remove my emotion.
In times of such jealously, two things do:
So, after the imaginary bubble bath of loving who I am, as I am, I will do two things:
1. Spend three hours playing with a warm, fun group of adults (even though, yes, I need to bring my kid along).
2. Increasing my KIVA pot by $200, and assigning my KIVA cash to some more people around the world.
Simple as that, both my envy and my jealously will have melted away like bath water down a drain.