Swimming Through the Mountain That Is Us

When someone proposes a dietary change that may remove our worst symptoms, why do we resist so vehemently? When someone presents one small tweak to our financial system, why do we set our heels against it?

Don’t we want health?
Wouldn’t we enjoy financial wellness?

Once we get comfortable with those, we sure do! But in the meantime?

I wonder if the resistance is closely related to grief. If I remove dairy from my diet and soon experience physical relief, how will I feel about all the years I spent in pain? How will I cope with the realization that the suffering was unnecessary? Just how big will my fury, angst, and regret be? Will I be able to handle the size of it all?

If I start tracking my spending daily -such that cash begins to magically build up in my bank account- how will I reconcile painful emotions, those that arise upon understanding I hadn’t needed to have been broke all those years?

If we believe we will not be able to bear the positive outcomes, we will continue to strategically avoid them. We may find ourselves putting in increasing amounts of psychic energy to avoid freedom. We may seek any other way to reduce symptoms, while continuing to suffer overall. We may put even more effort into drinking, shopping, fighting with our partner… Anything to avoid health or abundance.

This very moment, a new pal is in the throes of one such transition. She is a delightfully brave person, however, so she’s going straight through that mountain. She’s also a wonderfully wise woman, so she’s putting resources in place to allow her to do so -counselling, support from a new friend, esthetically pleasing software. She’s willing to say out loud, “I brought in x number of dollars last year, and spent every penny of it. It was enough money to have lived well and saved, but I didn’t set a single penny aside. I have another grant coming; I’m not going to repeat that mistake. All I can control is what happens next, and I’m going to do that.”

I believe her. She’s ready to accept and process the grief that comes with missed opportunities, lost time, or involuntary ignorance. As a result of her psychological and relational courage, she gets to start again now. With an estimated 2/3 of her life yet to come, she’s giving herself an incredible gift. She’ll do great!

One thought on “Swimming Through the Mountain That Is Us

  1. I can really relate to this post.

    About two years ago, I decided to stop colouring my hair. I’ve been colouring it for about 20 years and it looked fine. Then about 3 or 4 years ago, as more and more of my hair around the front of my face started coming in silvery – grey, the root line became more prominent. About 3 weeks after getting it coloured, the silver root line showed quite strongly against the dark brown dye. So I could either go more often for colouring or just stop doing it.

    I decided to stop colouring and the thought occurred to me: “What if I look okay with my natural colour?” Will I be pissed off at myself for colouring for 20 years? Anyway, I did stop the dying and it looks fine. The grief was pretty mild thankfully

    Good post!


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